idealfacade

what the fuck have i gotten myself into?

ETA: initially this was about my internship at a private law firm that deals with criminal (penal) law but now it's how i bought miley cyrus' autobiography.

this is what happens when it's 1 am and I am writing my last fucking essay.

i want to read miley cyrus' autobiography.

there. i said it.

I wrote this little drabble after being ~inspired~ by the Taylor Swift video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KfdxeymNwjU&feature=player_embedded

It came out totally unrelated. But the theme is teenagers, their awkwardness, and trying to initiate something between someone they've had their eye on. I call this original piece:

Title: Closer
Author: idealfacade
Summary: As soon as she opens his mouth he's set down this spiral of awkward teenage wasteland.

( It’s a simple reply and she doesn’t pretend to act surprised. She merely quirks her head to the side and licks her bottom lip ever-so slightly. “How long have you been debating on that answer?” He slips out a chuckle. “There was never any internal monologue about this.” A blatant lie. )

Hi, my name is Sandra and I'm addicted to Bravo.

I am honestly this close to buying that Real Housewives merchandise only because Bravo has brainwashed me into watching all of its shows. This season's ticket? The Real Housewives of New York City.

Can we just have a general bitchfest about it?

I looooooooooooooooathe Kelley. Everytime she's on I get like this second-hand embarrassment spasm along my spine. If you thought Sarah Jessica Parker looked like a horse, well Kelley clearly takes that one HANDS-DOWN.

What amuses me is that my favorite though-wonky-michael-jacksony-eyed Bethenny hates this skank too. It just fuels my inner bitch when I see them at it and I can't wait for the next episode in which the gloves are off.

Also, like the OC Housewife Tamra says:

I just don't understand Kelly. She is a model that hates trying on clothes? She is a journalist that can't seem to enunciate? She is a very private person that signs on to a reality show? Something here is not adding up.



PS: I must be part of the very few that like when Alex&Simon are on the show. Probably because I can't get over how weird they are...



PPS: OMG, THIS JUST MAKES ME WANT TO PUNCH KELLEY OUT. SHE MAKES BETHENNY WAIT 30 MIN JUST TO TELL HER THAT THEY AREN'T FRIENDS. WTF BITCH!

http://www.bravotv.com/the-real-housewives-of-new-york-city/videos/kelly-and-bethenny-have-it-out

GOSH.

i am honestly puzzled as to how i was ever attracted to this speciman on the superficial, physical side.

i remember people telling me that i would ~regret~ loving nsync and all that shit. but i am 19, going on 20, and i have no shame in declaring my unfaltering loyalty to them.

so it is now bemusing that i feel second-hand embarrassment every time i come across le hobbit of horrible scruff: D-Rad.

how, i ask, how did my heart ever pulse for you?

ETA: also, how is it that you can still attract women even after your "hawt" peak of Prisoner of Azkaban? HOW? is it denial or have my standards raised?

at least you provide the lulz and a brief reprieve from the ~federalist papers~. uhg.

ok, i confess that i am currently digging this song by taylor swift:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NxdrgYy_SE8

but as i keep listening, i'm convinced taylor swift does not dig literature or is getting a very poor grade as far as that goes.

for those unfamiliar, she basically compares herself and her love interest to, surprise of surprises, ~romeo and juliet~.

except girl grew up in the "choose your own adventure" generation that the conclusion of the song is that romeo and juliet are getting married and it's happily ever after. which is contrary to the original source because how can you confuse a tragedy with happy endings?

well, i gave tay swift the benefit of the doubt, thinking, maybe her song cuts off before the suicides... BUT! there was this:

'Cause you were Romeo, I was a scarlet letter



so you're an adultress??? WTF! I CAN'T EVEN JUSTIFY HER!

juliet, an italian, renaissance teen =/= woman in puritan massachusetts

aiiiii. at least she's promoting reading?

stole this from pseudovirus. let's see how i do...

( Start with 100% and subtract 1% for everything that you've done. Then repost as your __% innocent. )

Did anyone watch the Duggar Wedding?

Ok, what the fuck was that shit? "Sex is like LEGOS!!!"

Do you see what's wrong there? He didn't specify what version of legos it was... the harry potter one or dinosaurs or...

Point is, why the fuck am I having such a tough time with my multiculturalism essay? How hard can it be? It's so fucking broad!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

This is me procrastinating. Badly.

In this familiar process, I watched the new season of Skins. And Naomi reminds me of a lizard. Like I get she is supposed to be bad-ass, but they could have gotten someone less pointy? Yeah, i know I'm being ~shallow~ and shit but i never claimed to be otherwise.

And Cook, can anyone understand what the hell he said? I always criticized channels having subtitles on people with Scottish accents, but goddam if that actor didn't speak as if his mouth wasn't covered with tar. Which is hard to imagine because he looks toothless... speaking of which, how the hell am i supposed to buy the whole he's the alpha-male-be-attracted-to-him if he appears like a regular bum with connections?

These questions I ponder.

I know, I know.

There is no need to slaughter me with verbal abuse and accusations of neglect. I know I'm at fault for it. And I'm not one to point fingers or anything but it was my mom's fault.

In an astonishing other shiesty move from my human creator, she decided to haggle prices for out modern comforts (phone, tv, internet) and she made our family switch companies. In this process I was deprived internet for a week straight and it was agonizing, you guys.

Nevermind that I am behind my homework, but I am behind all the gossip on OHNOTHEYDIDNT. How can you guys forgive me? How can I forgive myself???

This is the question of the day, folks.

i am about to shit a brick of total AGGRAVATION over this as-of-now nonexistent paper.

i swear i'll make a real post sometime soon, but this is the only free time i've had since i'm working slave hours at target (i now see red EVERYWHERE) and i'm either there or in my prison of choice -- school (UCSD).

and you know what's sad? my free hours now consist of doing homework. this is supposed to be my relaxing time. do you see the problem???

and now JSTOR, the lovely site i owe my life and research papers on, is completely FAILING ME.

OMG, WHYYYYYYYYYYY NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW??? :((

i refuse to believe there is not one single article focused on Hernan Cortes' alliances with other native peoples to form an anti-aztec coalition.

i know it happened, i just need proof! i need sources. so where the fuck are you!!!

so i guess i played right into the marketer's hands because i am watching the 90210 spinoff that bears the same name and lo and behold I actually like it.

now, it bears a whole lot of resemblance to the contemporary Gossip Girl but I think the West Coast has the better show. maybe because it doesn't have kristen bell's obnoxious voiceover of "you know you love me xoxo gossip girl" (honestly, it made me cringe and feel embarrassed that bell went from veronica mars to that) and instead has the sorta goth girl doing the blog.

the main character has a scary looking anorexic body but i like her a whole lot better than blake lively's consistent cardboard performance.

if 90210 had leighton than it'd be full of win.

plus, i am a complete sucker for those fandoms that contain their past characters and they still have drama from their ~past~ though they have apparently "moved on." bwhahahaaa.

i have a marilyn monroe-like pimple on my upper lip. let me tell you that it is a lurker and is waging a convenient war inside the fat that is my upper lip. stop the hurting! i will get enough of it tomorrow when i take my two finals of which i am inadequately prepared (but aren't i always).

anyway, today i made an acute observation. if i were to compare my 19th year so far to any literary source it'd be HP and the Order of the Phoenix. yeah, i know. this is duly emphasized by the fact that i constantly type in all caps in my text messages only because T9 can suck on saggy balls.

i assume all of you have seen the twilight first completed scene. hence, my un-cut comments.

the movie looks to be complete shit. there, i don't think i can summarize it any better. kstew has the emotions of a ten year-old cardboard box. actually, i care not to insult the box.

and the villian? i find myself more scared of my dirty hamper than that (speaking of that... must do chores).

i feel... nothing. but i actually am surprised to say that i did have SOME expectations for the movie and they are dashed. of course that won't stop me from being there, in line, during the midnight release. why? because smeyer owns my wallet.

also, i am thinking of watching the mtv awards. i was planning for this to be The Big Thing for today because my mom refuses to let me out of my cage/house. but i made a deal with myself that i'll finish revising my CRAP essay and read all my material for this one class before the allotted time.

so, i was on a roll, doing this like five hours ago and as a reward for the good work, i decided to take a break. a break that has lasted five hours. clearly, i am way behind. shitshitshit. why does this always happen?

at least i have smirnoff.

my boyfriend volunteered himself to read twilight and watch the movie with me when it comes out.

question: should i be concerned?

if you know me at all you know that i hate the phone. actually, if you bothered to look at my profile you'll know either because you are a creeper or were once a creeper. either way, i don't use it.

now, knowing this (now), can someone explain how i surpassed my phone bill expectancy by like $150.00 more than it should be?

OMG!!! *flails* i don't even know what to do or say to the parental units.

why is my boyfriend ruining my life?!?!?!!

if i drop off the face of the earth it's because my mother sold my kidney to pay for my bill and i'll be recovering.

so my boyfriend decides to be all ~*~cute~*~ and shit by deciding to surprise me by coming one day earlier then planned.

there i am, expecting to get a starbucks and he pops out of the corner with his "hello beautiful" and WHAT DO I DO???

my first instinct? just guess, it's a killer.

i freaking grab my bag and whack his body with it.

OMG??? i don't even... when did i become an abusive person? WHO DOES THAT???

final skins episode....

OMG.

WHAT? WAS? THAT?

please discuss because i can't form coherent thoughts right now.

spoilers are obviously in the comments.

I turned 19 on March 31st. And I feel complete and utter apathy. Why, you ask? I don't know but my first few moments of this age were spent at a freaking gas station. What does that mean for my upcoming year? I told my boyfriend that my gas is not going to get pumped and he just gave a disappointed chortle.

now, you guys, please interpret this.

also, participate in another vain meme of mine. jacked from the wonderful anythingbutgrey:

Based entirely on my personality, hunt down a "played by" who you think would best represent me. Reply here with the picture or link.

This person may be male or female depending on whether *I* strike you as male or female.

doitbecauseiamcuriousastohowfuckedupyouguysthinkiam.

and, has anyone seen this?

( video )

unassisted childbirth.

yes, you read that right. freaking UNASSISTED CHILD BIRTH.

i am just in AWE of this woman. what what? feaking hero, right there.

HOLY MOTHER EFFING LAWD!!!

http://community.livejournal.com/ohnotheydidnt/20558361.html?#cutid1

I KNEW THERE WAS A REASON WHY I WASN'T A COMPLETE VAG AND DIDN'T SLEEP EARLY DESPITE THE FACT I WAKE UP AT THE CRACK ASS OF DAWN FOR SCHOOL TOMORROW.

THIS IS LIKE THE FIRST TIME I HAVEN'T BEEN BLASE ABOUT THE TWILIGHT MOVIE. YES, I'M LATE ON THE UPTAKE APPARENTLY.

!!!

WORK IT OUT, BBGIRL/CEDWARD.

ETA:

ok, i am now processing this w/o the use of CAPS (even though they are a fav of mine).

1) JASPER = austin from Project Runway. y/y?
2) i want carlisle's grandpa cardigan
3) esme didn't redeem herself from when i first heard she was cast as her. what a bore and she's the only one who isn't FIERCE in the 2nd picture.
4) nikki reed = anna paquin (whatevertf her last name is)
5) emmett > YOU AND EVERYONE ON THIS PLANET ('cept for henry and steven).
6) alice is actually pitch perfect.


AGREE WITH ME NOW.